Everyone Wants to Touch! -How to Control the Rudeness

Once you become pregnant your body is truly not your own. In fact, it sometimes seems as if it has become community property. Everyone feels they can reach out and feel your growing bump, practically before you start to show! This tends to be a lot more uncomfortable for momma before her belly is the size of a oil tanker, but even then, who wants random strangers feeling up what is, after all, still your tummy. Some women don't mind this, and even appreciate the attention to their little bundle of joy growing inside. Many of us feel can feel invaded, however.

And this doesn't end once you deliver. Then all attention is on baby, including yours, where once again everyone feels they need to touch. Grannies in the store, other mothers with young children who happen to be walking the same sidewalk. And as they ooh and aah and caress your little newborn, all you can think is “Please have washed your hands when you went to the bathroom last. Please don't have a child with a cold or flu at home right now.”

Then there is the advice. Some of it is great. Some things you may be curious about so you ask your mom or a friend who is a mother. That is advice you need and want. Other times, the grannies in the store and the mothers in the park will hold you up for minutes at a time or longer, relating every bit of pregnancy or baby advice they can possibly think of. While you stand and grin and bear it, thinking “Please shut up, I already know this, or Please shut up, just because your baby screamed his head off constantly does not mean mine does. Do you see him screaming? No, so please. Shut up.” But of course this is rude so we don't say it.

The thing is, all these things they are doing are RUDE. Just because you are pregnant or have a newborn does not give these people license to take up your time giving unasked for advice or put their hands on you or your child. So to take back your self and your baby, you need to give as good as you get. Remember these people are thinking they are in the right but really are being rude. Don't be afraid to be rude yourself if you have to. In fact, you can be the better woman, and take yourself back without being rude.

If they are trying to touch your stomach, you can back up a step and say “Sorry, I don't really like when people do that.”

If they are trying to touch your baby, you could say “Look but don't touch please.” or “I'm trying to keep him germ free, he's still very new, so please don't touch him.”

If they are blathering on with advice, interrupt and say “Thanks but I really have to get going. I have an appointment I need to get to.” or if it is somewhere you can't say that, make a comment about how “There is so much advice I've been getting lately that it tends to overload and blow right over my head now. But thanks anyways!”

Of course you can edit the phrasing to fit the situation. Hopefully this article has helped you find the words you were wishing you could say!

1 comment:

Luci said...

I can totally relate to this, sometimes its helpful or friendly attention, but most of the time your thinking omg! run! It doesn't stop when your on your 4th either! Or first girl or what have you! Hey we can't help it we got some cute kids!